You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
