tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
