So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
