the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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