what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
