Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Randomize
