If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Panties = found
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
