I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
