I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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