Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
