You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
