I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
