Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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