Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
