i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
