I just saw a hot homeless man
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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