I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
