Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize