Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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