Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize