Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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