some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
