why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
