I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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