And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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