a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
