haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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