I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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