I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
