even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
