She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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