What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
