sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
