maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
