Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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