Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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