So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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