ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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