Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
