Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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