sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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