im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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