I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wear drunk well.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
