I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
