After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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