He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
