There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize