I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
