Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
