I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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