Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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