did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
