So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
