i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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