honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
