just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
