I'm going to jail i love you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
