I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize