I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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