Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
