hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
