I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
