Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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