Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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