Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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