I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
