am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
