Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
