I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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