Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
