I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
