I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
