i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
