we're blogging at a bar
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
