Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
