I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
